Official Fashion Faux Pas Citation (Formal Occasion)
The Fashion Police have issued you this citation for the marked Fashion Faux Pas:
qThe wearing of velvet after Valentine’s Day
qWearing white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day
qWearing more than 1100 lumens of sequins
qUnnatural bearing of skin or body parts
qMore than 1 tattoo exposed at a formal occasion
qUnmatched or uncoordinated handbag and shoes
qThe wearing of more gold lame than the table decorations
qUncoordinated accessories or jewelry
qGreater jewelry / accessory to dress
ratio than appropriate
(you’re a guest, not a curio cabinet)
qWearing a tiara when not a royal or any other type of queen.
qWearing ruby slippers, within or outside of Kansas
qUsing more glitter on skin than on dress
qMen – white shoes, period.
qComplete inability to carry off wearing an ethnic outfit of any description
qWearing a seafoam green or orange sherbet dress (unless you are a bridesmaid AND you are at a wedding)
qHeels or platforms of shoes exceeding a 1:10 ratio against leg length.
Please understand that we are advising you of this infraction for your own welfare and to help keep America beautiful.